happiness

i don’t want to live a counterfeit life. dependent on another person’s likes or dislikes. and at the end of the day trying to figure out who i actually am. feeling the tiredness of being busy doing nothing; living just to live.

it seems to be a matter of perspective, i think.

“I have come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element. It is my personal approach that creates the climate. It is my daily mood that makes the weather. I possess tremendous power to make life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration, I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal. In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis is escalated or de-escalated, and a person is humanized or de-humanized. If we treat people as they are, we make them worse. If we treat people as they ought to be, we help them become what they are capable of becoming.” – Goethe

at mosaic we finished a series titled “proof of life.” i thought it was the best series yet. erwin discussed mainly what it means to be human. to be light, to have passion, to live in truth, and more importantly what it means to love. and how this plays out in our world.

it seems that we are constantly confronted with choices everyday. we can’t go without a day without making a decision — a fork in the road, in which we have to continue forward in one direction or another. sometimes, though, it seems that our day has some predetermined decisions already made. i guess we can call them routines. but, even then, we choose, because we choose to follow them. i didn’t have to wake up at 8:00 am, i didn’t have to brush my teeth, wash my face, brush my hair, etc. i didn’t have to take my med my doctor prescribed to me. i didn’t have to arrive at work 15 minutes early… today (‘cuz i usually don’t come that early, not that that’s early for most people, but it is for me). heck, i didn’t HAVE to come to work at all. BUT…. i woke up because i really want to start my day off with God – praying & seeking him in the Word. i did my morning routine because i care about the health of my teeth, skin, & hair. i took my med because it’s the only thing that will help my body from those nasty cancer cells from coming back. and i left for work early today because i want to be a mature, responsible employee. and all that seems to matter. those, what seems insignificant, everyday decisions really do matter. then there are those decisions that matter even more. those decisions that are, sometimes, what makes life so hard… for me. i just realized that i can only speak for myself. i can’t speak for others, but choices that involve people are the difficult ones in life. people are fragile beings, i think. myself including. when dealing with people we tend to forget that everyone is going through some kind of hardship. it’s in that forgetfulness (or selfishness, self-absorption) that sometimes is the real culprit here.

oh… [yawn] i’m so tired. i will stop here. it’s hard writing down my thoughts so late in the night. so tired…. goodnight my few faithful readers of dailygrindgallery…. zzZZzzzz