a friend of mine is heading to india tomorrow and after having dinner together tonight, i’m sad. i shouldn’t be so sad, right? it seems wrong to be so down, but i am. and that’s the truth. so what if it’s only for a month…. *wahhhh*
india is like a ravenous whale, consuming good friends into it’s unquenchable belly. one day i hope it will be my turn. perhaps summer of 2012?
my mama wants to go to korea in 2013. i am trying to see if i can join her. i calculated the cost and i would need to save at least $139 a month until the summer of 2013. doesn’t that sound pretty doable? i hope so. i’m really looking forward to it.
speaking of korea. i haven’t seen my dad for a while now. he lives in seoul, which makes it difficult to keep in contact. the last time i was there i didn’t know how to relate to him. i think i had some deep seated resentment towards him. most of my childhood i wondered why he didn’t keep in contact all those years? the last time when i was in korea, his sister, my 고모, told me that he would spend many nights drinking and crying because he missed me and my brother so much. that bothered me a lot. it weighed on me like boulders the entire time i was there. and, i’m ashamed to admit this, but i couldn’t call him 아빠 the whole time i was there. i wasn’t trying to hurt him, but to say that word seem too forced and too unnatural. what’s wrong with me? i know i hurt him deeply. i often think of that time and wish i could take it back. what would have hurt to swallow the discomfort and give him the one thing he’s wanted? one night he told me that he loved me. it took me by surprise and so, under my blanket, i remained silent, as he walked over to his room. since then, i have often imagined our interaction to be a lot more fluid, a lot more natural, a lot more loving — looking forward. it’s a funny thing, you know? words are simple things, but pack so much power in them. it’s time to make things right with him. i hope that i have the courage. it’s scary, you know, the unknown.
the gentle force behind this is God. my father. my dad. abba. appa.
daily grind gallery 